You can find it everywhere, the mistaken belief emotions can be negative. It’s in the mainstream media and published research articles and comes up a lot in Cultivating Emotional Balance courses.
If there were actually negative emotions, we should do what we can to get rid of them. The fact is, it’s not the emotions themselves that are negative, but their expression – the way we respond under their influence – that can be constructive or destructive.
For example, if fear is a negative emotion, it should be eliminated – that seems clear. Yet it has saved countless lives in human history and people who don’t experience fear are not better of without it. Being angry at injustice can change our social fabric for the better and being sad at a funeral is helpful and supportive for everyone there. The issue is not the emotion, but its expression and intensity in relation to the trigger. Feeling overwhelmed at the thought of leaving your house is going to cause difficulties, but being afraid of a venomous snake or spider could save your life.
So it’s not the actual emotions that are negative.
Psychology does talk about negative and positive affect which might be where the confusion lies. In general, anger, fear, sadness are undeniably unpleasant and (to oversimplify) this is negative affect. But it doesn’t mean the emotion itself is negative. In fact, emotions have functions and are very, very useful.
Of course, this means there are no positive emotions either. Imagine being happy and joyful with a friend who has just received terrible news or become sick. Safe to call this an example of the destructive expression of an emotion.
It might seem like a small matter, thinking of actual emotions as positive or negative hobbles our ability to understand and use our them to our advantage, because we think that being angry, sad or anxious is a bad thing in and of itself. This type of attitude prevents us from seeing our emotions as alarm signals that something important is occurring and we should pay close attention to the way we respond.
When you can choose to respond constructively to emotions – even if you are experiencing negative affect, you’re well on your way to emotional balance. This means making good decisions, improving relationships and controlling your own wellbeing even under pressure.
That’s what a Cultivating Emotional Balance course is all about.
Still not on board with this? Watch the short piece from Dr. Paul Ekman.